Madness

written by Suzan Abrams

I am a little old lady who once secured cantankerous motions for everyday living. Thus, with considered alacrity, I defined for myself, a set of logistics for the measurement of a high madness, that I myself be kept wholly sane. Pardon the conjecture for disbelief but where else can I hobble to with my story.
I took to drinking my biscuit with a straw and to closing my eyes that I might view the pictures on the wall. Then I ate the oven-hot lamplight for supper and what a tame meal too that might be. Next, I curled up to sleep in the air. My bony creaks, grunts and snores did a waltz but I did not fall over. My alarm rang with laughter from the ceiling fan, from where my mattress stood suspended. A fleeing mouse shut it up again and the magic fan turned itself off. I jumped from my bed with youthful candour on my one bad leg and landed in the cupboard.

The pictures on the wall were locked in the shower, fixing their makeup with watercolours. Bent and huddled, I still paint an opera now and then. I can also sing Shakespeare if I want! My pencil-slim toothpaste was in the kitchen toasting bread. My cornflakes were eaten by an ant and the sun stole my milk. The boiled egg turned to pudding in my mouth.

I would shiver in the heat as I woke to face the daylight and the daylight would summon up a thunderstorm on catching the horrendous sight of me, that I be kept warm.

I crawled to the shops with an umbrella on my back and ate up the groceries so I could ferry my goods, safely back in my belly.

My house welcomed me while hanging upside down on its newly painted hinges with the red carpet at the back door for a happy entrance. The storm and wind had toppled it about a bit. But never you mind! My rootop will now realise its ambition for acrobatics and as for me... well, I have always wanted to sleep on the stars. - suzan abrams -

Animated Clip Art courtesy of: Feebleminds.