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Location: Dublin, Republic of, Ireland

Monday, 8 January 2007

Never Mind, Baby

My novel manuscript that featured nudity, was discreetly if not a little bitch-ily - judging by the tut tut remarks of a polite sneering woman agent, who I never had the feeling would become my agent anyway so why did I ever.... sheesh!!
If you're a woman, best not to send any prose on blatant sensuality where the female character is at the mercy of a I-can-do-anything-to-you-kind of a man to a heterosexual female agent. By all means, send it to a man or a transsexual and even a lesbian should be alright.
A celibate of course, won't know what you're talking about.
And in your query letter, you must never like me, make the fatal mistake of sounding enthusiastic over a man who reviles monogamy with unmentionable vocabulary or turns his steely gaze into a whip that strips you thin in the wink of an eye.
The majority of female literary agents I daresay may embrace romantic ideals made up of perfumes, flowers and honeymoons.
How do you know the one with the fetishes?
So mind the genre...I mean, gender! Mind the gender!
I comfort my story in my head - saying never mind baby, you can follow me now to London and we'll see if a seedy alternative underground publishing unit (think Soho) won't be perked up by your tasty delights. I don't care who publishes it. I am determined now that this particular fiction is published once and for all if only to prove a point. And even if old lovers take me to court afterwards. But did I say fiction?

*Please note that this post is made up of humorous assumptions and not credited fact.

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