I need to think about this now.

I am finding it rather hard to keep this blog going. Not that I'm depressed about it or bored by the thought. Just that I have started to write fiction again and such a venture tends to take up a lot of time plus that conscious mental energy that already consumes me - with some pleasure as I must admit - for what I'm writing at the moment. It is my second day back and today as I had resolved, I wrote a fair bit and also finished reading a 300-page novel, Girls of Riyadh by Rajaa Alsanea whose refreshing and breathtaking story of 4 daring, liberal women, is currently banned in Saudi Arabia. Yes, I finished this in a few hours.

When I first started blogging it was great fun. But then I was a professional journalist who had stopped writing creatively to travel for a few years and so blogging helped me find my footsteps and voice as a writer of stories and poems once more. I now feel I've moved on to a different level. I have found those steps and also my voice and these are now concentrated on my new stories. Everytime, I think about a blog entry, it feels like I have to look over my shoulder, retreat a little and go back to something that I may have already said goodbye to. Did I then? Did I say goodbye to blogging somewhere along the way and not realise it? I am surprised at my own conclusions but at the moment, blogging seems like something terribly distant on my path. It also feels a slight chore especially that I am selfish with my time.

I admire anyone who writes books and stories and still keeps up a regular blog. It feels like my heart has changed places. But then each of us owns up to different motivations and visions for keeping a blog in the first place. I suppose the right thing to do would be to say, see you in 3 months, 6 months or even a year. After all, it has been 2 years for me and many of the same bloggers are still around. So I wouldn't expect much change.

What do I want to do? Understanding myself so well, I would eventually shy away from something that wasn't benefiting me in any way. I need to think really hard about this in the next few days.