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Location: Dublin, Republic of, Ireland

Thursday, 1 March 2007

a very late post - all true

My thoughts melt and rise like an ice-cube. Vapours fade in the cold dusk. They may have stayed all day from the dew at dawn.

Determined not to miss him, I miss him more and more.

It is the moment for eye-closing, heart-sighing and some things sad. It is not the moment for tears but instead one of a deep angst; too silent to unfold, to private to be told.

I cannot escape this hour of remembering.I see his face in every word I write. I knew him once in an intimate camaraderie. I knew him once in fun and joy.

How quickly bliss fades, ever stingy with time when friendship carnivals in its prime.

I remember every line...can still picture the tone and nuance of every whispered word.

Will my sorrow flee tomorrow or will they haunt at every summer and at every fall.

Today, I thought of him now and then, then and now and then again and again. I wanted to cry, don't go, don't go but it was too late.

He is not coming back.

Will I forget? Oh God...I don't know. When you think I have a memory like an elephant's...

I went out with a friend this evening and we had a little supper of hawker fare at a roadside stall. It was windy. She was ever so chatty, my delightful friend about someone who made her heart leap, about the girls at work who could be nasty, about...about...about...

And as I listened to her, his face would appear without warning in the chilled air, ready to catch me in the dark. Where did my story go?

I would remember an easy joke and I tried to listen and pay attention but all the time...my mind was in an uneasy motion...my heart wishing it had wings, such was my flimsy notion.

I wanted to fly to be by his side and nowhere else.

My friend talked but there I was suddenly cold in the empty wind, remembering and recapturing, what had fled and was no longer there.

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